Your the best city is the
world, nowhere else can
ever compare.
People from all over the
world. No one seems to
care or stare.
You can be who you are,
it doesn't matter
what you wear.
They envy you and respect
you. They should all be
like you.
You're unique and
colorful and fascinating.
Thats the true beauty
right there.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Ralph
I understand what addiction must be like. When it came to you, I could never get enough and always wanted more. I liked you for so fucking long & for so many years. That day at work when you asked for my number, I couldn't say no. You knew I wasn't going to say no. You called a couple of days later & I meet you for drinks. You told me your marriage was over. I still can't believe how fucking stupid I was. I actually felt bad for you. I would talk to you for hours on the phone. I would drop everything to go and meet you. I really fucking believed in my mind that there was no man more perfect than you. Why the fuck did I have to be so attracted to you ? You were so damn good looking. You were tall and built and dark. After we slept together I knew there was no turning back. Your such a fucking prick. You knew how I felt about you. I wasted two years of my life. I wasn't feeling well and went to the doctor. I found out that I had an ectopic pregnancy. They removed one of my Fallopian tubes & I spent a week in the hospital. I know you felt bad and I know you did love me. The thing is though that your disgusting, pathetic and a poor excuse for a man. I lent you money and found out you started seeing other women. You slept with some bitch from our job and even got back together with your wife. I didn't quit my job for a better opportunity. I quit my job to get away from you and your fucking harem. You hurt me more than you will ever know. I stopped taking your calls because I couldn't put myself through this anymore. I beat myself up over this for years. I can't believe I allowed myself to get involved with you. All these years later I'm still afraid of getting into a relationship. I wish you knew the pain I've been through. I should have cursed your ass out. I love you because we almost had a child together, but I hate you for how much you hurt me. I moved on with my life & I know I deserve better. I heard you moved to the south. Your probably fucking everything with a pulse down there. I hope you get your shit together some day. Until then if I never see you again it will be to fucking soon.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Ava
I always thought adults do
everything for a child. Its because
of you I now know what a child
does for us.
A teenager myself when your
older cousins were born
I loved them, played with them
and was crazy about them.
You were born years later.
I'm older now and I guess
its because now I understand
the delicacy of life.
You have brought more joy
and happiness then I could
ever tell you. I thank God
for you everyday.
There is no better sound than
waking up in the morning and
hearing your giggling in the
next room.
When Gram was sick I always
wanted to cry. It was you that
made me laugh and realize life
must go on.
Your smart, talented and so
pretty. Your fun and funny
and wonderful. Thank you for
letting me be your Aunt.
everything for a child. Its because
of you I now know what a child
does for us.
A teenager myself when your
older cousins were born
I loved them, played with them
and was crazy about them.
You were born years later.
I'm older now and I guess
its because now I understand
the delicacy of life.
You have brought more joy
and happiness then I could
ever tell you. I thank God
for you everyday.
There is no better sound than
waking up in the morning and
hearing your giggling in the
next room.
When Gram was sick I always
wanted to cry. It was you that
made me laugh and realize life
must go on.
Your smart, talented and so
pretty. Your fun and funny
and wonderful. Thank you for
letting me be your Aunt.
Remembering
I remember the happiness
I remember the sadness
I remember the life
I remember the death
I remember the faith
I remember the doubt
I remember the excitement
I remember the boredom
I remember the black and white
I remember the shades of grey
I remember the innocence
I remember the corruption
I remember the friends
I remember the enemies
I remember the warmth
I remember the coldness
I remember the laughter
I remember the crying
I remember the pleasure
I remember the pain
I remember the truth
I remember the lies
I remember dignity
I remember the self degradation
I remember the sounds
I remember the silience
I remember the love
I remember the hate
I remember the courage
I remember the fear
I remember the calm
I remember the storm
I remember the denial
I remember the acceptance
I remember the beauty
I remember the ugliness
I remember the light
I remember the darkness
I remember the aroma
I remember the stench
I remember the trust
I remember the betrayal
I remember the clarity
I remember the distortion
I remember the body & mind
I remember the soul
I remember the confidence
I remember the inadequency
I remember the brave
I remember the coward
I remember the ease
I remember the difficult
I remember the strength
I remember the weakness
I remember the surprise
I remember the predictable
I remember the deep
I remember the shallow
I remember the curiousity
I remember the contentment
I remember the fresh
I remember the stale
I remember the real
I remember the superficial
I remember the envy
I remember the jealousy
I remember the pure
I remember the tainted
I remember the whole
I remember the broken
I remember the polished
I remember the tarnished
I remember the sadness
I remember the life
I remember the death
I remember the faith
I remember the doubt
I remember the excitement
I remember the boredom
I remember the black and white
I remember the shades of grey
I remember the innocence
I remember the corruption
I remember the friends
I remember the enemies
I remember the warmth
I remember the coldness
I remember the laughter
I remember the crying
I remember the pleasure
I remember the pain
I remember the truth
I remember the lies
I remember dignity
I remember the self degradation
I remember the sounds
I remember the silience
I remember the love
I remember the hate
I remember the courage
I remember the fear
I remember the calm
I remember the storm
I remember the denial
I remember the acceptance
I remember the beauty
I remember the ugliness
I remember the light
I remember the darkness
I remember the aroma
I remember the stench
I remember the trust
I remember the betrayal
I remember the clarity
I remember the distortion
I remember the body & mind
I remember the soul
I remember the confidence
I remember the inadequency
I remember the brave
I remember the coward
I remember the ease
I remember the difficult
I remember the strength
I remember the weakness
I remember the surprise
I remember the predictable
I remember the deep
I remember the shallow
I remember the curiousity
I remember the contentment
I remember the fresh
I remember the stale
I remember the real
I remember the superficial
I remember the envy
I remember the jealousy
I remember the pure
I remember the tainted
I remember the whole
I remember the broken
I remember the polished
I remember the tarnished
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
At first sight !
It was the the summer of 96'. My friend and I were driving aimlessly around the neighborhood. We were in my grandmothers old silver cutlass ciera she had recently given to me. Those days we spent most of our time burning gas and blasting music. It happened when we were on our way back to my house for lunch. I saw him walk out of the convenience store on the corner. I had to stop the car...I couldn't move....I could barely breathe. He was tall with jet black hair and dark tanned skinned. He had on a fitted white Tshirt and Levis jeans. It was obvious his job was physical and something outdoors. He was lean and his arms were muscular. He lite a cigarette and took a few drags. He then got into a shiny buick regal and drove off toward the blaring sun of that August afternoon. I thought about him for weeks and gave up ever seeing him again. Until, that party that night. I walked in and there he was.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
One Love :)
Its the Beautiful People
Its the White Sandy Beaches
Its the Sweetest Mangos
Its the Overproofed Rum
Its the Jerk Chicken and pork
Its the Water Falls
Its the views of the countryside
Its the Reggae Music
Its the Coconut Water
Its the hotels on the beach
Its the Blue mountain coffee
Its the dancing & nightlife
Its the Red Strip Beer
Its the White Sandy Beaches
Its the Sweetest Mangos
Its the Overproofed Rum
Its the Jerk Chicken and pork
Its the Water Falls
Its the views of the countryside
Its the Reggae Music
Its the Coconut Water
Its the hotels on the beach
Its the Blue mountain coffee
Its the dancing & nightlife
Its the Red Strip Beer
My 30's !!!
My twenties are over
My thirties half through
Now what the hell am I
going to do ?
Three chin hairs to pluck
Some spider veins to hide
Grey hairs to get dyed
No longer smoking
or a size 5 !
Gained 50 pounds to
put this addiction aside
Took my first mammogram,
at my doctors advice
Just wish that damn machine,
could have been more nice
With age comes wisdom
Now, I got that !
Hope I'll never fall into
another of lifes traps
Have to stop all this thinking,
but wait is that my biological
clock ticking ??
Despite all of this,
My life is not done
I have a feeling my forties ,
are going to be fun !
My thirties half through
Now what the hell am I
going to do ?
Three chin hairs to pluck
Some spider veins to hide
Grey hairs to get dyed
No longer smoking
or a size 5 !
Gained 50 pounds to
put this addiction aside
Took my first mammogram,
at my doctors advice
Just wish that damn machine,
could have been more nice
With age comes wisdom
Now, I got that !
Hope I'll never fall into
another of lifes traps
Have to stop all this thinking,
but wait is that my biological
clock ticking ??
Despite all of this,
My life is not done
I have a feeling my forties ,
are going to be fun !
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Playing golf and enjoying life !
I'm leaving Thursday morning for Florida.
McArthur airports 10:15 flight.
My mothers been there this whole month.
Playing golf and enjoying her life.
All her years as a teacher. Her retirement seems
to be going right. She got this idea from her
parents. Every February thats where they'd be.
To her the best sport was Tennis. She thought golf
was so boring. A few years ago she gave it a try.
Now this is all she wants to do with her time. I'm not
a golfer and doubt I'll ever be. My friend Frank and I
will be on the beach, dinner later just us three. Playing
golf or whatever you like, just be happy and enjoy life.
McArthur airports 10:15 flight.
My mothers been there this whole month.
Playing golf and enjoying her life.
All her years as a teacher. Her retirement seems
to be going right. She got this idea from her
parents. Every February thats where they'd be.
To her the best sport was Tennis. She thought golf
was so boring. A few years ago she gave it a try.
Now this is all she wants to do with her time. I'm not
a golfer and doubt I'll ever be. My friend Frank and I
will be on the beach, dinner later just us three. Playing
golf or whatever you like, just be happy and enjoy life.
Monday, February 22, 2010
I didn't know
I didn't know how much people could suffer. I had no idea the things I'd do to prevent it. I thought they just died when they got really sick. I assumed they drifted off peacefully. I didn't know the strength of a person. I didn't know the extent of all of this. I didn't know how it affects every aspect of their lives. I had no idea how this disease just takes over. I ask myself, how didn't I know. How could I have been so nieve. I didn't know it was so much more, than a few pills and a bed pan. I didn't know how important my role was going to be. I thought I was just going to carry out the doctors orders. I didn't realize the intimacy of the nurse and their patient. I wasn't aware how much I would learn from them. I never knew they'd reveal so much of themselves. I never knew how much this job was going to change me as a person. I could never understand how people could ask me, why I'd want to work with Cancer patients. I really had no idea that I'd be in so deep. I could never understand why people didn't see the beauty in this. I myself didn't know the grace in someone even in their last hours. I didn't know that my decisions were going to mean so much. I just didn't know how much my support or lack of could affect my patient. I didn't know how much my presence could comfort them. I didn't believe their families would remember me years later. I didn't know the dying process could be so beautiful. I didn't realize that I might be the only one there with them. I had no idea I'd be so protective. I thought I'd last six months, not eight years. I didn't know I'd be so assertive. I couldn't believe I'd say to the Doctor, " That Morphine dose just isn't enough". I couldn't believe their courage when they decided the fight was over. I didn't think I'd accept death. I didn't know how often I'd think of them and smile. I just didn't know....
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Anxiety
It's more than a worry
or a slight uneasiness.
I'm trying to describe
how I'm feeling inside.
Maybe it's hard for you to
understand, something
you've never experienced
first hand.
People don't know unless
I reveal it. I just usually
try to deal with it.
It's panic and palpatations,
and lots of internalizing.
It's happening right now,
you just dont realize it.
Try to talk myself out of it,
but it just overcomes me.
I wish I didn't feel this panic
and fear.
or a slight uneasiness.
I'm trying to describe
how I'm feeling inside.
Maybe it's hard for you to
understand, something
you've never experienced
first hand.
People don't know unless
I reveal it. I just usually
try to deal with it.
It's panic and palpatations,
and lots of internalizing.
It's happening right now,
you just dont realize it.
Try to talk myself out of it,
but it just overcomes me.
I wish I didn't feel this panic
and fear.
The Ten Places I'd Like To Be Right Now If I Could.....
1. Haiti........to help people affected by the earthquakes.
2. The White House......to meet President Obama.
3. Ireland.... to party in Dublin and visit the countryside.
4. Montauk....during the summer to fish on a charter boat.
5. California......somewhere I've never been.
6. Heaven.......just for a visit, to see if its what I imagine.
7. High School 1991.......if I knew then what I know now.
8. Iraq........to tell the U.S. military that its over.
9. NASA Space Center in Houston.........to send bad people to the moon.
10. A Cancer Research Lab..........to find the cure.
2. The White House......to meet President Obama.
3. Ireland.... to party in Dublin and visit the countryside.
4. Montauk....during the summer to fish on a charter boat.
5. California......somewhere I've never been.
6. Heaven.......just for a visit, to see if its what I imagine.
7. High School 1991.......if I knew then what I know now.
8. Iraq........to tell the U.S. military that its over.
9. NASA Space Center in Houston.........to send bad people to the moon.
10. A Cancer Research Lab..........to find the cure.
Favorite curse word....Bitch
To me a Bitch is
powerful, feminine
and doesn't give a shit.
She's confidant and
every time says whats
on her mind.
If they call you a Bitch,
Say thanks for
the compliment !!!
powerful, feminine
and doesn't give a shit.
She's confidant and
every time says whats
on her mind.
If they call you a Bitch,
Say thanks for
the compliment !!!
Take a Stand....On Racism
An issue I feel most strongly about is definitely Racism. It bothers me that there are still such ignorant people in this world. I think its because I've met so many great people from all different cultures. I've always had friends and worked with a diverse population of people. I would be very hurt if someone judged me or them because of the color of our skin or ethnic background. Once I know that a person is in anyway racist, I lose respect for them. I have no desire to associate with people like this. It makes me so angry to think that people can be so closed minded. I dont understand how they can't see the beauty in us all. I think its disgusting that parents can teach their children to hate. I would never tell my child they couldn't have friends or love someone different then us. I couldn't imagine going through life and knowing only about my own ethnicity. I think that people that stay in their own little world are really missing out. Our differences are something that should be appreciated. I get so upset when I hear people being stereotyped. I wish people would just ask questions instead of making assumptions. I'm fascinated by what I've learned !
Childhood Friend
I want you to know.
I just have to tell you.
All the love, gratitude and
feelings I have for you.
Friends from the start.
My friend, you've given
me nothing but your wonderful heart.
Joy, Tears,
Sadness and Triumphs.
You were there, these
past twenty years.
I love you my friend,
thats something that will
never change.
Your loyal, your kind
and your
my confidant.
I just have to tell you.
All the love, gratitude and
feelings I have for you.
Friends from the start.
My friend, you've given
me nothing but your wonderful heart.
Joy, Tears,
Sadness and Triumphs.
You were there, these
past twenty years.
I love you my friend,
thats something that will
never change.
Your loyal, your kind
and your
my confidant.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Scar Story
I have 7 scars on my right leg.
I was hit by a car when I was 11 years old.
I was by myself crossing Montauk Highway in Lindenhurst.
I crossed the first 2 lanes and then got to the double yellow lines.
I got off my bike and waited.
I remember a van stopped and waved for me to go.
I got back on my bike and started to pedal.
The last lane is where I got hit.
She said later she didn't see me pass in front of the van.
I spent a couple of weeks in the hospital.
My broken leg required several surgeries.
I was given medication for the pain,
that sedated me.
I remember them coming,
in and out of my room.
They fed me
They washed my hair
They gave me candy
I swore they couldn't be real.
They must be angels.
I could have lost my life that day,
but I'm still here and I go to work
and hope I'm someones angel.
I was hit by a car when I was 11 years old.
I was by myself crossing Montauk Highway in Lindenhurst.
I crossed the first 2 lanes and then got to the double yellow lines.
I got off my bike and waited.
I remember a van stopped and waved for me to go.
I got back on my bike and started to pedal.
The last lane is where I got hit.
She said later she didn't see me pass in front of the van.
I spent a couple of weeks in the hospital.
My broken leg required several surgeries.
I was given medication for the pain,
that sedated me.
I remember them coming,
in and out of my room.
They fed me
They washed my hair
They gave me candy
I swore they couldn't be real.
They must be angels.
I could have lost my life that day,
but I'm still here and I go to work
and hope I'm someones angel.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Times up !
It was time to exit,
this fact could just not be ignored.
Onto life's next chapter,
I can't wait to see whats in
two
three
and four !
this fact could just not be ignored.
Onto life's next chapter,
I can't wait to see whats in
two
three
and four !
On my own !
So much to do
So much on my mind
Buying a condo
I'm not going to be scared
God, I'm taking this chance.
Paint and furniture
and fabric galore.
Its such a decision !
Raymour & Flannigan
and Benjamin Moore !
I can't believe its happening,
I'm so grateful.
All these years of school
and work
and sacrifice.
What a great feeling,
this is my time !!!
So much on my mind
Buying a condo
I'm not going to be scared
God, I'm taking this chance.
Paint and furniture
and fabric galore.
Its such a decision !
Raymour & Flannigan
and Benjamin Moore !
I can't believe its happening,
I'm so grateful.
All these years of school
and work
and sacrifice.
What a great feeling,
this is my time !!!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Grandmother
Are you really gone,
Grandmother ?
This can't be it
Please, say its not over.
Life without you,
I can't imagine.
You knew where
you were going,
there was never a doubt.
Tell me what its like
Give me some faith.
Send me a sign.
Grandmother ?
This can't be it
Please, say its not over.
Life without you,
I can't imagine.
You knew where
you were going,
there was never a doubt.
Tell me what its like
Give me some faith.
Send me a sign.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
UGGS !
They think we're being trendy
They think we're trying to be cute
They can't understand the reason,
why we wear these ugly boots !
They'd love to see a heel
or maybe a stiletto
But men you have no idea
the comfort going on over here
Pick me up for a date
I'll be wearing my Uggs
Size eights
Sorry for the rhyme
Come on guys,
Please get it this time !
They think we're trying to be cute
They can't understand the reason,
why we wear these ugly boots !
They'd love to see a heel
or maybe a stiletto
But men you have no idea
the comfort going on over here
Pick me up for a date
I'll be wearing my Uggs
Size eights
Sorry for the rhyme
Come on guys,
Please get it this time !
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Cancer
Your everywhere
and welcomed nowhere
Your in our genes
Your in our diet
Your in our environment
Your in our culture
I'm tired of you
Your consuming
Your selfish
You spare some
but take many
34 year old mother
63 year old grandfather
4 year old girl
Jamaican
Irish
Filipino
Indian
Cops
Priests
Lawyers
Homemakers
you know us all
You have no boundaries
You have no conscious
Too many hours
Too many days
spent thinking about you
how to destroy you
how to defeat you
and welcomed nowhere
Your in our genes
Your in our diet
Your in our environment
Your in our culture
I'm tired of you
Your consuming
Your selfish
You spare some
but take many
34 year old mother
63 year old grandfather
4 year old girl
Jamaican
Irish
Filipino
Indian
Cops
Priests
Lawyers
Homemakers
you know us all
You have no boundaries
You have no conscious
Too many hours
Too many days
spent thinking about you
how to destroy you
how to defeat you
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
My 1st blog....alittle about me !
I'm here at the computer lab at Molloy College. I never thought I'd have a blog, but here I am. I recently saw the movie Julie & Julia. In the movie the character Julie is bored with her mundane life. She decides to challenge herself for a year, by cooking every recipe out of her idol Julie Childs french cooking book. She blogs daily about her cooking experience. I feel like I can relate to that character. I understand the desire of wanting to push yourself. This is my plan for 2010 minus the french cooking.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
