I didn't know

I didn't know how much people could suffer. I had no idea the things I'd do to prevent it. I thought they just died when they got really sick. I assumed they drifted off peacefully. I didn't know the strength of a person. I didn't know the extent of all of this. I didn't know how it affects every aspect of their lives. I had no idea how this disease just takes over. I ask myself, how didn't I know. How could I have been so nieve. I didn't know it was so much more, than a few pills and a bed pan. I didn't know how important my role was going to be. I thought I was just going to carry out the doctors orders. I didn't realize the intimacy of the nurse and their patient. I wasn't aware how much I would learn from them. I never knew they'd reveal so much of themselves. I never knew how much this job was going to change me as a person. I could never understand how people could ask me, why I'd want to work with Cancer patients. I really had no idea that I'd be in so deep. I could never understand why people didn't see the beauty in this. I myself didn't know the grace in someone even in their last hours. I didn't know that my decisions were going to mean so much. I just didn't know how much my support or lack of could affect my patient. I didn't know how much my presence could comfort them. I didn't believe their families would remember me years later. I didn't know the dying process could be so beautiful. I didn't realize that I might be the only one there with them. I had no idea I'd be so protective. I thought I'd last six months, not eight years. I didn't know I'd be so assertive. I couldn't believe I'd say to the Doctor, " That Morphine dose just isn't enough". I couldn't believe their courage when they decided the fight was over. I didn't think I'd accept death. I didn't know how often I'd think of them and smile. I just didn't know....